an alarm blears as I hurl myself out of covers to the digital round-table now so familiar I try to keep open my eyes weighed down and with little resistance to closing presence is vulnerable, deliberate from greetings to conversations awkward silence permeates so loudly as songs of yearning unheard hence, the softest of syllables spoken and drops of emotion shed seeped through calloused filters are the most moving and profound I see you I hear you and I’ll forever be cheering for you thanks
Planes
planes cut across skies to new horizons and even for I it’s the same the chatter of foreigners and buzz of the propellers straighten averted eyes to see the vast seas of shining oceans and clouds or so I do hope as I watch you tilt upwards and ascend beyond the ground my feet are on while your silhouette shrinks and our goodbyes replay my surroundings also come into focus the ticking clock urging me forward I will turn and move soon, so let me watch just a bit longer
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Obligatory Rain Poem
on the way to the cafe today
there was a human in the pouring rain
they trudged up a busy bridge
pushing a blanketed baby carriage
while the rest of us didn’t watch
and had rather listened to
the pitter-patter of drizzle
I inhaled deeply for a sigh
and the faux floral aroma of moisture
mixed with my laundered sweater
reminded me of my humid motherland
and the innumerable other invisibles
isolated on an exotic archipelago
the garbage metropolises in
graveyard squalor and unclean water
weathered by savage monsoons and sorrow
had been condemned an abject destiny manifested
a despair so suffocating it saturates the senses
that one can’t feel for what’s right in front of them
then I arrived
staring outside into bright
gray overcast and raindrops
the warmth and bitterness
of my coffee weighs heavily
and I am reminded to be
thankful
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Anxiety
The initial dive was effortless
by the breaking of surface tension
with intensity and momentum
and my form upon entry impeccable
with a firm sense of direction,
I eagerly broached new heights
a fresh face, a different space
keeping up in an upward pace
to remain in my rightful place
out of the ocean depths
above the horizon
but you can see where this is going
for bursts of inspiration
are difficult to sustain
the clarity of purpose
becomes obscured as drive wanes
and the path forward eclipses
the higher I rise
the greater the reprehension
the steeper the suspension
with the ever-present perception
that one snap
is all it takes
to break
to fall
and it’s scary
it really is
I try to find solace
in these uncomforting feelings
they are living distilled and manifest
lest inertia seize hold of me
and tow me under again
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A Letter to an Old Friend
“I don’t need you”
was what you told me that day,
and now I can confidently say
that I don’t need you either
for the confrontations
that choked the flow
of oxygen and thoughts
to and from my core
to and from my mouth
would leave my throat
knotted into a noose
never ending into nights
after reticence
restive, my body would
invariably surge with violent
and spiraling suspension
my head and feet off the ground
thrashing, flailing to come down
while being bombarded by the racing
“should haves” and “what ifs”
I shouldn’t need you,
and I don’t,
but I want you
though there were five nights a year
that I’d be paralyzed in fear
we’d always come back, full circle,
three hundred sixty days stronger
with some change
it may seem strange or
possibly deranged but
in spite of or maybe
because of the pain
that I want to say
that I want you
for what’s friendship
without a little conflict
to state our genuine state
of mind, of self, no filter
of course it’s because
of how close we were
that some friction
would occur
- or a lot
but I never forgot
the cold conversations
smiling,
in drive-through-wait-
dine-in-outdoors at 3am or
the car conversations
crying,
set to the cadence of
Freddie n’ Queen or
the couch conversations
laughing,
while liberated with
questionable substances
in fact,
I cherish them
so cheers
for all these years
messily compressed into
this reflection
it is now my intention
for reconnection
and not to start all over
I’ve been able to live,
and I really don’t need you,
but, hopefully conveyed in
my hokey-dorky way,
I want you
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I Remember
I remember
your nails dug into themselves
searching for absent filth
I remember
your arm dotted by goosebumps
as the cold shivered away your comfort
I remember
the slow and steady rise of your chest
and the light breeze of your breath
as your inhales and your exhales
became gradually uninterrupted
your gaze looked off, focused
on scenes blurred by words
as you clasped your necklace
like a charm to ward off
creeping obscenity
I remember
I remember
I remember
how you were remembering,
and how my outreached hand
was clamped, clawing at my wrist
how you kept speaking,
and how I was speechless
how you were so transparent
how you shined, so radiant
the story you shared
the scars you bared
I’ll always remember,
and thank you.
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Ironic Pretension 